Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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