it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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