Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
