My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
