Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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