Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
