is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
