you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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