my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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