the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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