remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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