I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
