Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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