I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
