Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize