So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
