he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
