Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
