Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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