he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have fence marks all over my body
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
