oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
