well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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