Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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