Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
