apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
