I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
