Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
