I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
