I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize