I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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