ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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