Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize