oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize