just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
