I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
