So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
