Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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