I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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