the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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