That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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