i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
