guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
