Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
