well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
