So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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