So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
