He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
