I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
