you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
