Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
