I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
