the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
