considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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