You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
