I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
