so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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