Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
