He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
