Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
