...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
