Umm I'm too high to move.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
