i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
