Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize