I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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