i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
