The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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