my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
