Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
