So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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