you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm like, not good at living.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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