I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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