Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
