Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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