Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
