he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
