she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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