why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We need to get me chipped asap
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
