Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
