Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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